Come the end of 2005 I had had enough of the constant battle to lose weight. I was over it. I wasn't depressed about my weight but I was sick and tired of always being aware of how very big I was, the impact my weight was having on the quality of my life, the constant judging by others. It was just too hard. So I gave up. I resigned myself to the fact that I was morbidly obese and in all likelihood would be for the rest of my, most likely, short life.
In the process of giving up I accepted my weight and size and vowed to simply live my life as healthily and as happily as I could. Instead of constantly dieting, I decided to focus on nutrition and eat 'power foods'. Foods that would help me to live as long as I possibly could. Foods that were good for my heart, and known for boosting the immune system and fighting cancer. Instead of walking my dogs Hayley and Max every day because I had to exercise, I started to walk them because I enjoyed walking, I loved spending time with them, and it felt great to be a responsible pet owner. Instead of doing a set number of laps of the walking track at our local reserve to build up the kilometres, I started walking further afield, exploring my local area. Before I knew it, without even trying, my weight started to drop.
I could scarce believe it. I was losing weight!! I wasn't dieting. I wasn't going to the gym and doing exercise videos at home. I wasn't stressing about what I could and couldn't eat and what I should and shouldn't do. I was simply enjoying a better quality of life. A healthy life. A happy life.
All those years of dieting were finally paying off. But in the most round about way imaginable. Everything I had done until this time had provided me with the skills set I needed to make a healthy lifestyle change. In six months I lost 25kg. Without even trying!
So what did I do differently?
I stopped counting kilojoules, and started using common sense. Previously, I had gone through my personally collated recipe books and calculated the nutritional analysis of every single recipe I cooked with. I had split the recipes into two folders .. one contained the low fat, healthy meals, and the other folder contained everything else. We mostly only ever ate from the low fat, healthy meals folder and I would calculate my kilojoules intake throughout the day. I continued using my healthy meals folder because they were the meals we enjoyed, but I stopped keeping track of the kilojoules. I also strayed from the healthy foods folder. If we wanted to eat take away, we ate take away. I made conscious decisions about what I was eating. Rather than eating something because it was on the plan. I ate according to what made sense. I wanted to be healthy and I wanted to enjoy life. For me, that included enjoying food. All foods. I decided I could eat anything I wanted. Nothing was forbidden. No foods came with a side serving of guilt. If I wanted to have say, a vanilla slice, it was up to me to make the decision about eating the vanilla slice. They're not healthy, but they're delicious. The choice was mine. I was the one in control of what I was eating. Not a weight loss consultant, a doctor, a programme, or a diet. It was me. Taking control was empowering. Funnily enough, more often than not, I chose not to eat the vanilla slice!!!
I switched some foods, and added others, based on their nutritional value. I had been using Devondale Point One milk to make my breakfast smoothies because it was the lowest fat, highest calcium milk I could find at the time. I changed to a low fat, high calcium soy milk because soy is important for heart health. If I was going to be morbidly obese for the rest of my life I needed to do whatever else I could to protect my heart. Instead of my breakfast smoothie having just a banana and occasionally strawberries in it, I added strawberries and blueberries every day. Strawberries and blueberries are rich in vitamin C and both are powerful anti-oxidants. I wanted to boost my immune system and hopefully ward off cancer. These were the types of changes I made to my diet. My primary focus shifted from weight loss to eating foods that made sense for good health.
I stopped thinking of walking the dogs as exercise I had to do and started appreciating the quality time I was spending with them. Once my daily walks were no longer a chore I started having flashbacks to a much younger me who loved to be active and play sports and found myself enjoying walking again. What's more, I found myself adding additional activities to my routine. I rediscovered my love of bike riding.
I started telling myself positive things about myself. All my life my father had told me I would be beautiful if only I lost weight. I started telling myself I was beautiful despite my weight. It wasn't easy or at all natural, but I became my own cheerleader and self help guru. I treated myself with respect and kindness. I gave myself permission to love myself, to accept myself. I was who and what I was, and I was a good person. I deserved to be treated well.
I felt fabulous. For the first time in years, there was a light at the end of the tunnel. If I continued on this path, one day I would be fit and healthy and very, very happy. I didn't need to take any pills, count any points, replace any meals, join any groups, sign up for any programmes. All I needed to do was to live as healthily as I knew how and everything else would follow.
Alz
:)
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