This is me

I was born chubby in 1968, to a chubby mum and a giant of a father, ripe and ready for the fad and fast foods of the 1970s.

There is a lot of debate about genetics versus diet and lifestyle when it comes to the state of one's chubbiness. I don't know if there is a chubby gene in my family. There may be. I can remember my father going through a chubby phase and my grandmother and uncle were most certainly on the chubby side. Although my mum's side of the family were known for "the Chadwick curse" (most of the Chadwick women had heavy thighs and bottoms), my aunts were slim. My mum was not. From as young as I can remember my mum has always been chubby. It's only in her later years that she has 'shrunk'. With age I think.

So what does a chubby baby with (potentially?) chubby genes and chubby parents become? A chubby toddler. A grumpy, chubby toddler. LOL, in every photo of me as a toddler, I seem grumpy. I'm not smiling in any of them. I've no idea why.

I digress. Sorry. I do that.

I have four brothers, none of whom were particularly chubby growing up. In fact one of my brothers, who was born very premature, was skinny. I mean the type of skinny where you could count the bones in his back skinny.

Today, two of my brothers are obese, one morbidly so. One has had chubby periods throughout his adult life but for the most part has maintained a healthy weight with the help of his wife, work and active lifestyle. My remaining brother has always maintained a healthy weight. Both of my obese brothers, are obese because of their diets and lifestyles. So unless the chubby gene runs only in the women in my family, I suspect my lifelong weight problems have not been the direct result of an inherited chubby gene.

So what happened to that grumpy, chubby toddler? Environment and life experiences moulded her into a young woman with low self esteem and a distorted self body image. A young woman who was fit, active and a healthy weight. A young woman with undiagnosed mental illnesses who eventually followed a life of self destruction. A young woman who despite being rescued by a knight in shining armour went on to gain weight. A lot of weight. A young woman who over time, on a number of occasions lost a lot of weight only to regain more. A young woman who eventually, one day, woke up to find she was middle aged and killing herself.

I'm the brunette on the right (clearly!). It is the winter of 2012 and I'm sick, unhappy and unhealthy. I'm unfit. I'm not even at my heaviest weight in this photo. At my heaviest (before my MS diagnosis) I weighed in at 155kg. I can't (not won't) show you a photo of me at 155kg because, quite simply, there isn't one.

Fast forward nine months to March 2013 and this is me now ..

I'm still very, very big. I'm still 'sick'. But I'm happier. Healthier. I'm fitter and stronger. I feel like a young woman again, albeit in a middle aged woman's body. I'm taking care of myself, of my health. I'm the lightest (122.4kg) I've been in a very, very, long time. I've taken the first of many, many steps on quite possibly what is one of the toughest journeys of my life. I look forward to sharing this journey with you. Where will it take me? Where will I end up? What will my life be like? I don't know, but I am confident I am finally heading in the right direction.

Alz
:)